She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
