Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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