Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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