ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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