this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
