Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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