What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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