The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
