The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
