I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
