I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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