It was confusing and full of hummus
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
