i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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