there was a trapeze. enough said
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
