ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
