i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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