batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
