your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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