Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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