i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's like heaven, but drunker
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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