It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
