I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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