i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
operation have a gay friend backfired
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
