i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
