i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
