Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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