You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
