You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize