my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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