Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
