he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
