She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
