I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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