at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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