Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
