There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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