Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
