He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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