How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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