Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
