Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
