They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
