Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
