I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Boobs speak an international language.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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