I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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