is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
