You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
