Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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