So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize