That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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