She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
