Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
