you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
try to milk me bitch
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
