your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
