yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I enjoy the company of your penis
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
