oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
