You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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