So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
