Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
