Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My dick has a subreddit
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
