you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
