i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
