There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
