One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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