He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
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College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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