I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
