no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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