Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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