i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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