Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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