evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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