i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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