Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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