im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
