I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
