The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
