arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
someone owes me an orgasm
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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