theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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