U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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