Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize