also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
