Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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