It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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