Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
