Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
